Heez Sexy Theengs – Excerpt From The Fake Celebrity in China

Jozef and I spend quality time together, usually walking or riding bikes, exploring the city.
We have a Chinese maintenance man come into our apartments and re-plaster some of the walls where the old paint was peeling off. The standard white paint does not stick well to the plaster and drops off constantly in big chunks and Jozef is always complaining about it, saying it is bad for our health.
“It eez poisoning us Robert. Very toxeek!”
After the guy leaves my apartment, I notice a pack of condoms under my bed missing and I make the mistake of telling Jozef about it.
One day later in the grounds of the school he spots the poor guy and runs up to confront him.
“No Jozef!” I shout at him but he ignores me.
“Ni – take – heez – sex theengs,” he says as if the guy will understand and I start to cringe.
But the Chinese maintenance guy just shakes his head and smiles at him with a confused look on his face.
“Heez – theengs. You steal!”
The guy still smiles.
“Heez – sexy theengs.”
I stand a few feet away, looking at the ground, shaking my head and smiling and feeling very embarrassed.
Then Jozef gives up on the speaking and goes into sign language mode and makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger and then pokes his other forefinger repeatedly through the circle, clearly showing the act of intercourse in any language.
“Ah yesss! Seeee, you know? Bad! Very bad!”
I am sure the guy still has no idea what Jozef wants but still smiles, albeit a little uneasily.
“Come on Jozef,” I say, pulling him away by his shirt and I give the Chinese guy a small wave and a smile.
“You ave to tell zem Robert. Zay are very deeshonest, like thief, you know?”